I always knew where I was oriented in the world–where I was at, where I am going. I knew what was on the list of things to do. I had control over my environment, and I could manipulate the great future before me.
But life was one dimensional too. Expected. And sometimes flat. I guess I liked it that way.
I am not longer a sculptor forming out my life, manipulating what I have before me. Life is changing before my eyes, and I don’t know how to think anymore. Much of what was constant and would always stay constant now seems on less solid ground.
Life feels scary–but not frightening. It is deeper. The routine is still there, but I no longer am caught up in checking off a to-do list. I still write it. I still check off each item the best I can . . .
But there is more that I can’t quantify in a simple list, and I can’t express no matter how many words I write. There is more that I no longer understand.
Life is beautiful and happy and wonderful. Life is bigger than it ever has been. There is less fear for the trivial, but more fear for those large things that suddenly are right in front of me.
Everything will be all right. As life gets bigger, happiness can get bigger too.